.

Finished.

Back @ home

PThe differences between the 5* hotel in Ibiza and my yard are not that deep...

Apart from a few little factors: 

The view

The breakfast 

The view whilst eating breakfast 

Indoor gym

Wearing a crop top without everyone boing my entire life

But at home I get this:

#goodtobeback

Hen weekend

Ibiza snm.

10 days to go.....

KMT, time won't slow down for nobody!!!!! Going on holiday for the next couple of days so I doubt I will be able to blog, but if its possible, I'll make it happen! 

I plan to make thorough mental notes on my trip so I can blog twice a day till I make up for the missed days...

Thanks got coming on this journey with me, this blog really had given me something to focus my attention on, when everything else around me is going crazy.

To love someone so much that you dedicate 7 months to being a completely crazy person so you can have lovely memories of your wedding day...is a bit psycho. But love is a lol bit crazy coz it makes you do things other people will not understand...

Makda has finished her exams now....finally. So is back in gear to help me with this wedding! Glad to have you back....

#mylife

  CThis thing I called my life started over 23 years ago and the one thing that I have learnt is that the only thing which is constant is change!

Therefore knowing that things are going to change: things will either get better or get worse....boi! So I am expecting the best but preparing for the worst!

In my 23 years I have also tried my hardest to learn from mistakes, both my own and others...BUT I still end up in butters situations! My children will learn by force... can't have this behaviour going into the next generation.

I started this post with a vision...but now I cba. Truth is way too busy to be blogging, the stuff that I need to do is clouding my mind. I'm constantly stressed out and over nothing big, it's just the details...so many details!!!!

12 days

I am going to miss my family so much when I move out of my home. It's the most entertaining place on earth! If only my dad would agree, I would organise for us to be on a reality tv show! No joke,we would make ultimate P!!!!

we have so many different characters that it's kinda like a movie and you never really know what is going to happen next...One minute everyone's having a huge play fighting session; with people jumping on top of each other...next minute, making up a video for YouTube!

Below is a picture of my sis Becky. In this picture she is showing the reaction people have when we let them know they are uninvited to the wedding/ on the waiting list:

Below is a picture of my sis Gifty showing what my reaction will be, when uninvited guests turn up and they have to go in the kids room coz they ain't on the list...

My sister below doing the smile I will do on the day ecause I have a seat...

Reality time

I had a practice with the flower girls and page boys! It was an emotional time to say the least! Getting them to understand where the right and left foot were was an issue! But in the end it kinda worked out...

After the rehearsal I has to rush home to get the wedding programme coz we were summoned to a wedding planning meeting at church with the pastors. My printer decided that was a good time to mess up! Lovely.

The meeting was supposed to start at 6 but we got there around 8. Really???!!!! Life just gets in the way!!! Everyone had an opinion about everything...it was a bit peak!

So, it's nearly midnight...I left my main phone at home so I was unable to text the beautiful Lola to wish her a happy birthday: 

I'm so sorry for not going to her 21st birthday dinner! Sad times if you didn't invite someone and they are just finding out about it...This wedding stuff is crushing my social life! Truly do love you loads and hope your day was amazeballs!!!

13 days to go...well by the time you read this it will be 12

#wedding -,2 weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we went to a wedding...a couple who was in our counselling class. I will share a couple of pictures and of day:

Waiting for the bride to arrive:

The church:

The car:

The bride and groom: (ignore the randoms)

The bridal party:

The reception:

The cake:

The couple at the reception:

The wedding was on point #pressure

15 days...

I've had a brilliant day! I got really good news at work, I'm going to have a fantastic weekend! 

To celebrate Prince and I have come to our local African restaurant to eat some fish! We got here at 8, it's past 10 and our food is still not ready!!!

Normally we would be really pissed off but today we are genuinely confused. I mean, did they go to the sea to look for the fish? Prince thinks they are waiting for the fish to die of natural causes!!!

As this is an African restaurant there are a lot of old black men drinking and jamming. The environment is quite jammed but the DJ is blasting out music!

So picture this, loud music but not a single person dancing...so Prince and I decided to get some practice for our 1st dance...I felt like an animal in the zoo, everyone was staring!!!! Loved every second of it....#attentionrocks

Ok, will stop blogging now coz food just got here!!! Peace out A town!!!

15 days left.....craaaaaaaaaaap!!!!!!!!!!!! I can almost smell it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KMT

It took me 2.5 hours to get home instead of the normal 1 hour...#toopissedtoblog

What a day...

This day can be summarised in pictures but because I'm writing this blog on my phone it's a bit long...

I got mugged off 3x today...

1. By the people I call friends

2. My future husband

3. My mother 

Priya saved the day by picking me up from the station because my biological mother could not be bothered...

I will definitely explain myself tomorrow with all the appropriate pictures....

18 days!!!! #howdidthishappen

18 craaaaap...it's getting closer and closer....it's like I'm trapped in between 2 walls and they are about to crush me!!! Being engaged is like suffocating! I can't explain it too well but it's all a bit strange...

You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you can't quite reach it...You're trapped in between being single and married...it's a weird one

As you can see from my posts, when it gets bad it really gets bad...I literally went through 2 weeks of 1 sentence posts...and that was because the stress of it all, the late nights it just accumulates and you just pass out!

My body is now accustomed to 5 hours sleep because that's all I can afford to get nowadays...so much stuff going on in my life at the moment and I feel like I need a hobby or something to get my mind of life in general...

Today, after work I headed to the gym to meet Prince...since me actually working out has become a myth! I am considering liposuction!!!It's so tempting...I keep seeing adverts in the metro...it's like £100, which is actually in the grand scheme of things...cheap for a flat tummy!!! Anyways after I met Prince we went to our yard, where we were supposed to sort out some wedding stuff but instead Prince decided to sleep....lovely.

So I got in to a bit of a strop...he finally woke up...we were able to do wedding stuff for 5 mins then it was time for me to catch my train back to Slough...it was a very unproductive trip, but it was kinda worth it coz when I see him and I'm with him..I feel like nothing else matters...except for planning wedding stuff KMT!!!

My home

Today the weather was completely on point. However, I couldn't fully enjoy it because I was hungry and the combination of hunger and sun = a very dizzy Hannah. I literally couldn't walk in a straight line...I have never felt so weak....It was a peak situation!

I came home and when I say home, I'm talking about my future marital home....omd...I got mi own yard! Prince's best friend - Khalid and his fiance Mel came round...we had a lovely time. Khalid is a chef and he made us a really nice dish and I enjoyed every single bite...I don't know why but food tastes better when a man cooks for you. My girl Mel is living life fully....

We had a lovely chat and of course I had to bring up my outrage of the Trayvon case...but now that I think about it further...it's all about reasonable doubt. If the jury doubted about whether when he shot he intended to kill...it can get a bit hazy...especially as they had a fight before the shot. Hmmm still the jury should have been more balanced...6 women...5 white 1 hispanic..it's a bit of a joke.

As we were talking I realised that I liked jamming with another couple who actually love eachother...not just together for convenience etc. Conversation just flows and everyone was open and honest...it was refreshing...

This brings me to a convo I had with someone this afternoon about "settling"ie. staying with someone you don't particularly want to be with any more...but staying because you're comfortable, old, can't be bothered to start again... Marriage is too long, hard and will be butters if its with someone you don' love or respect.

Back to my home...I love it...coz it's ours and it's a blessing. Having our 1st guests today made me realise that it's real and it's happening. I'm an adult....craaaaaaap...better start acting like one...

Really?????????

just heard a couple of disturbing things that happened today:

1. Finn(main guy from Glee) died

2. Trayvon Martin killer set free

Hmmm now two things come to mind:

1. Life is short

2. We are all gonna die

Now that made me think about two things:

1. How are we spending our time?

2. What happens after death 

Which led me to two more thoughts:

1. If there is no God then we just have a peaceful sleep or summin

2. If there is a God and heaven and hell is real then we will be going to one location out of the 2

This brought about my final thoughts:

1. If there is no God and I live my life as such, everything is jamming

2. If there is a God and I live my life like there is no God then I will go to hell 

3. If there is no God but I live my life like there is a God, I will still get to have my peaceful sleep or whatever 

Hmmm I love where my thoughts take me #jesusisthegreatest

Why are celebrities who have enough money to feed one village in Africa dying from drug overdose...have they not got better things to do with their money???

Why would a court pick 5 white women and 1 Hispanic woman decide the fate of a half white and Hispanic man who killed a black boy.

This world is nuts #giveyourlifetochrist

Wedding Rehearsal!!!

Today was the longest day....and I know say this all the time but it really was the longest day!!!

Basically it was our first and possibly last rehearsal because its so hard to get everyone together...and I'm just talking about the groomsmen and the bridesmaids.

It was jokes because I gave everyone strict instructions and yet people came later than late and not mentally prepared for the hard work that was going to take place...

I chose the song they are walking in to by fluke...my uncle Isaac played a song for us to just practice and I was like craaaaap this is the tune!!!! So that was pure chance, one thing off my to do list...yay!

We spent over 20mins practising the steps right together, left together...then I hit them with the bomb shell...which you will find out if you come for the wedding...don't want to spoil the surprise!

We then came to my house to continue practising, then set up the BBQ...which my whole family decided to attend! I was extremely tired but had a lovely day.

Forgot to mention I had a consultation with the make up artist today and also went to see the decoration lady...which was very adventurous to say the least!

My bridal party is jokes!!! Some were more enthusiastic than others but still a very good bunch! I love them to bits and happy that they are a part of the team.

Another rehearsal is definitely needed but ah well improvisation has always been my strength!

Exciting Times

Our 1st wedding rehearsal is tomorrow...yay!!!! Erm tbh I don't have a plan but hopefully it will all come into place tomorrow...I hope! I know we need to practice...just don't know exactly what we need to practice yet...but will figure it out tomorrow...tomorrow, I'll love you tomorrow it's only a day away...

What's actually going to happen is that I'm probably going to dream about it and figure it out in my sleep.;..coz that's the only time I get any peace! Prince is constantly getting on my very last nerve, which causes me to get irritated with people who don't even deserve it...#sadtimes Being caught in the crossfire.

The thing about passionate people is that it goes both ways...when they are happy they are ecstatic and when they are angry it is pure rage...and both me and Prince are passionate so when people watch us, it's either when of those cheesy love movies that want to make you puke because it looks so fake or world war 3 and there is no in between. Love it tho coz we bounce back like jelly and it's never ever boring...like ever!

Taylor Swift is one random chick - Prince cusses her on stage one time at an award show and now she's every  where and everyone in my yard knows her lyrics! It's a teen weeny bit strange...but then again Kim Kardashian is famous for a waste reason and is now his baby mama...everything that surrounds Kanye is extremely weird to say the least.

Talking about the least, the least of my problems right now is sleep...it seems to come to me so easily whereas actually being productive in wedding planning is proving to be a bit more difficult. The truth is I'm hoping all the little random pieces  I've done will all fit together to make a fabulous wedding. Time wise, I probably haven't spent more than a week planning this wedding...whereas I've spent over 6 months in counselling preparing for the marriage...investment in the right places I say.

I hear the critics sayung...you only get married once...But Prince and I are gonna have 3 weddings so if this one doesn't go exactly according to plan we can just try again on the 10th anniversay and if that flops aswell we will always have the 25th to air out all the flaws. So this is like a preliminary test...boo ya remember that from science...which I haven't done for like over 6 years. I'm so smart it doesn't make any sense.

I'm 23 with 23 days to go before my wedding...

Ok, it's time to get serious! I've been flopping so hard on this blog that it is no longer funny! Why bother writing a blog if all you write is, I'm tired, can't be bothered etc. Jheez! I literally allowed life to drag me down! But not anymore! I have learnt my lessons and I have got over it! This is a new chapter and its gonna be amazing!

They say married people are boring but it's only because they have less time to entertain stupidness and they have the perfect excuse - my husband/wife says no. People don't like to generally interfere with a married    couple so they will just leave it alone...whereas if it was a bf/gf you would hear comments like they don't own you etc You should be independent aka alone

I need someone to just slow time down! Everything is going really fast and it's a little bit scary!!! But I have decided to just jam and enjoy the ride!!! And what a bumpy ride it is! The ups and downs are ridiculous - it's kinda like the banana ride... You just want to close your eyes and imagine you are somewhere else but if you do that then there's no point being on the ride so you put you hands up and scream as your stomach jumps to your throat and back.. #insanity

Talking about insanity as you all know I'm too lazy to take anything seriously so I didn't. Due to this I haven't lost as much weight as I wanted too but I have lost some and I am quite proud of myself...at the end of the day I know where I went wrong...I didn't become clinically depressed! But how could I with Princes face looking at me so sweetly! The boy is such a sweetie, if he doesn't watch out I could get diabetes. He spoils me in his own way and I love it!

Love is caring for someone even when it doesn't make sense...it's being patient and kind to someone who doesn't deserve it...without any trace of love we would be living in hell...I'm randomly speaking about love because when you have it you realise you can't survive without it

Blog

I told people I was going to do a proper blog today but came home and passed out...lovely. Another day bites the dust...

25 Days!!!!!!!!!!!!

25 days to go and it feels like I'm going to go nuts!!!!!!!!!! There is so much pressure on me at the moment coming from different directions...I don't know why this has to happen so late into planning...somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There needs to be a rule somewhere that says...leave the bride alone at least a month before the wedding!!!

Love my Prince

He treated me to Harvesters!!! He is amazing.

Marriage counselling dinner

As marriage counselling has come to an end we decided to have a dinner to wrap it up. We went to a Thai place which I didn't expect to be very good because I prefer Chinese. But to be fair it wasn't that bad!

The night was eventful to say the least... I realised just how deep my competitive streak is! I actually hate to lose, more than anything in this world! It's bad and I think I actually have a problem. I lost a game through no fault of mine and I was literally shaking with anger!

What a weirdo???!!! Anyway, I'm calm again now and ready to enjoy my week! Legoooooo

Sky Diving #part1

Soooo Prince decided to take me on a surprise date this morning. To tell the truth I didn't think he could actually surprise me but boi was I proved wrong! 

As we drove past all of the places I thought we were going, I just began to get anxious. The fear of the unknown gets to me... I had to force myself to sleep so that I would stop guessing!

We finally got to the destination and it was sky diving!!! Anyone who actually knows me, knows that I pretend to be fearless but really I get scared of activities that are new to me.

My heart was beating at 200mph and I hadn't even changed into my flying suit yet....

Naps

You know when you get home from work    and you have a little to eat. You then convince yourself that all you need is a little nap and you will be more productive...

IT NEVER WORKS!!!!! WHAT A JOKE!!!

You end up feeling more tired, drained and start speaking nonsense. Which is probably what I'm doing right now...

Proper finished...this can't be life!

One month to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok guys, it's officially 1 month to go. I don't even feel like this is real! I can't believe that this time last year, my life was in a completely different place. I have grown so much over the past year and my mentality has changed dramatically.

This time next month I'm going to be Mrs Hannah Smith. LMAO. Sounds like someone elses name...it actually probably is the same name of over 1000 people in the UK which is uber strange. I'm going to have to change my email address, bank details and passport...kmt! It's long. I tried to convince him to take my name instead but he told me to stop being silly. I tried to get him to agree to a double barelled name to which he also said, stop being silly. Why am I marrying someone who always thinks I'm being silly!!!! KMT!!!!!

I sometimes wonder hopw things will be when we're married and to be very honest, I can't even imagine it. I have no idea. But hopefuly it will be amazing. I want us to love eachother just as much as we do now and be brilliant parents to our 12 kids.

However, 1 month to go brings its own issues...less time to plan, less to breathe and generally just less time! Doesn't help that all of my weekends are booked up till my wedding! It gives me no time to relax...or calm my nerves. Also doesn't help that everyones life doesn't revolve around me...makes it so much harder to get stuff done!

One of my cousins is going fully in with her exercise and tbh it's inspiring because she actually doesn't need it. Now, technically it should be easy for people to exercise when they look a mess but when your body is actually on point and you still go fully in, I have nuff respect! 

This 100 day journey with you guys has been emotional and I know it isn't over yet but I feel like we've hit a real milestone. When I saw Prince today, yup, you guessed it we pissed each other off but with ease we forgive each other and continue laughing coz that's our brand. #happiness Milestones remind you about where you've come from and where you're going...we are going great places and we've come from a time of uncertainty.

Love does conquer all, not like and not lust, LOVE; and if it doesn't conquer all it was probably infatuation. *no offence 

Random Thoughts

I'm just going to put all my random thoughts on marriage, wedding, life, love etc. all in this post coz I don't have an actual topic in mind for today.

1st all I would like to remind everyone that I said I was going to blog for 1oo days up to the wedding but at no point did I say every post would be inspiring, funny or even entertaining!

Moving on swiftly. Marriage is one of the longest things you will ever do...well if you don't get divorced! But anyway, so you need to prepare yourselves...counselling was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me! It helped me organise my thoughts and encouraged me to face things head on. Something I usually do anyway, but not always with the right method. It's funny how some men and woman see relationships so differently:

Weddings are jokes. When you actualy think about it, there is no need for the big fuss that people make over it...as it is the quality of the marriage that actually matters. BUT for some reason, you get dragged into the excitement and throw all your money into a wedding which in general terms is actually just A BIG PARTY. Ah well, gonna enjoy it to the fullest and remember it for the rest of my life! I hope for all the right reasons...I 've done some questionable things in the past though and I know karma is real so we've hired 5 security guards to deal with any unwanted behaviour or people.

Life is long. I feel like I'm part of a ridiculous system which is just merking my soul. I want to be free like a butterfly! But the need to make money is holding me back....It's so upsetting. Need to work my way out of this bottomless pit I feel like I'm in at the moment... Hopefully, before my big day! So I can be fun and bubbly for my Prince instead of constantly being semi-depressed.

Love is the best. Without it, where would we be? It's more than an emotion, it's a necessity.

Panic attack season

Calm down! Don't get too excited! I'm not having panic attacks coz I'm having doubts about whether I'm making the right decision... These panic attacks are because I still feel like there is so much to be done...however, whenever I get the chance to write a to do list, I get distracted by the longness of it all and go to a corner and cry! Ok, not literally cry but panic...

Prince is being a lot more helpful now, which is a huge relief! Seating plan is nearly sorted, which is half the battle! Now, simple things like 1st dance song, hairstyle and page boy drama shouldn't be too much to figure out this week #lol